TOP TWELVE THINGS
YOU DON'T WANT TO HEAR FROM TECH SUPPORT

Yes, it's your worst nightmare -- there's a whirl, a buzz a clunk, then ominous silence. Where did you leave that Tech Support number anyway?
12.
"Do you have a sledgehammer or a brick handy?"
11.
"...that's right, not even McGyver could fix it."
10.
"So -- what are you wearing?"
9.
"Duuuuuude! Bummer!"
8.
"Looks like you're gonna need some new dilythium crystals, Cap'n."
7.
"Press 1 for Support. Press 2 if you're with 60 Minutes. Press 3 if you're with the FTC."
6.
"We can fix this, but you're gonna need a butter knife, a roll of duct tape, and a car battery."
5.
"I'm sorry, Dave. I'm afraid I can't do that."
4.
"In layman's terms, we call that the Hindenburg Effect."
3.
"Hold on a second... Mom! Timmy's hitting me!"
2.
"Okay, turn to page 523 in your copy of Dianetics."
1.
"Please hold for Mr. Gates' attorney."
© 1997 by Chris White. "The Top 5"

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